.Loneliness.
To those of you who can do things all by yourself, you deserve my admiration. I really envy those who can go out on their own, w/o asking anybody out at all. As in, they can walk down é streets of Orchard Road, w/o feeling any sense of loneliness. They live their own lifestyles w/o having é need to suit others ard them. They don't need to wait for their friends to call upon them.

I can never really do that. I tried a few days ago but i was totally lost, wth nothing in mind that i could do. All i did was to sit in one corner of a shopping centre, watching people walk past me. To me, that was pathetic. I cld never do w/o friends, never. I can never stand loneliness, it doesn't exist in my dictionary. I need friends ard me to perk me up, to accompany me, to be there for me.

H/e, with é situation i am in now, i need to learn to be like them, to be independent. It's a tough road ahead, but i chose it. I didn't put up a wall to isolate myself cause i felt happy doing it. I'm definitely not unwilling to share with my friends. Instead i shared too much, so much so that a wall is needed to make my friends realise that you need to share as well. It's gonna be a one way communication if i continue to share w/o my friends sharing in return. That's how i feel, personally.

I'm not forcing anyone to share everything with me, but at least be willing to tell. If you aren't even willing to tell in é first place, i don't see why i shld share. I understd that there are certain unhappy events that you really do not wish to mention. But if you can tell it to another person & you can't to me, it shows that i'm not a trustworthy person. To me, if i don't knw a friend well enough, i failed as a friend, irregardless of whether é friend was willing to show his personal side or whether i even bother to enquire more. If you ask me whether i'm successful as a friend, i can reply you instantly that i've failed miserably, terribly. It's é truth, i swear. Maybe that's why i'm suffering now, from all my bad deeds. Karma, retribution, that's wat i call it.