So Cute!!!

Puss-In-Boots

Can't help but put tis picture on my blog. It's ttttttttttoooooooooo cccccuuuuuttttteeeee!!!!!!!!!! � moment i saw tis pair of eyes on � commercials on TV, i cldn't help but fall in love with it. It's so watery & big, jus like a small little kitten, or even cuter than tht. Talking abt tis, Shrek 2 was really great, though a little lame. It was pretty funny, but not 2 � extent tht my stomach hurts. Nevertheless, i felt tht it's quite an amusing show 2 watch, quite worthwhile i must say. I can say tht it's pretty corny, haha. Go watch it.

Manage 2 catch Van Helsing & � Day After Tomorrow as well. Both films were a little too exaggerating, one in terms of it's special effects, � other in terms of it's storyline. But for � latter, you'll really never knw wat will happen nxt, if our environment is constantly damaged by us. Nevertheless, still can't imagine tht situation as depicted in � film. Hence if i were 2 recommend you one of these shows, it wld be Shrek 2, it's much more entertaining.

Will hafta go back 2 camp tmr, after tis long period of break. Part of me really wish it cld last forever, really dread 2 go back there. Cauz once i'm back, it wld be work & guard duties, as far as i'm concerned. Luckily, it'll be a half day for me & b4 i knw it, i'd going for my idol's concert. Can't wait...

Recap
Seems like for half � month, i've disappeared. Well i guess i hve, cauz i'm too lazy 2 type, even whn i had � time to. Jus don't feel like typing it out & bcauz of 1 word "laziness", haha. Nevertheless, decided 2 do so now, havin this sudden urge + wanting 2 jot tis down for remembrance sake.

Pain
Excruciating, tht's � word. It all happened when i paid a visit 2 � family doctor. After viewing my condition, he said he cldn't do anything & referred me 2 SGH A&E. In addition 2 tht, he said tht if i don't do anything abt it soon, it may get deformed. I was really worried when he said tht. My Aunt felt worst. I thought it was nothing initially, cauz i had bn thru tis, though tis time it was much bigger & painful. Apparently i was wrong tis time. Headed 2 A&E immediately & had 2 wait, as usual. Nevertheless, it was quite a short wait, i must say, judging frm how quickly i was called upon 2 see � doctor. � doctor gave me 2 options, one: to go back wth Antibiotics in hand & see whether it'll recover after 5 dys, or two: to wait for a specialist 2 diagnose � situation instd. Lookin at how worried my Aunt was & tht i really wanted 2 do sth abt it, we decided 2 go for � 2nd option.

There was a price 2 pay, which was � lengthy waitin time. I was pretty unlucky if i hafta say, cauz � specialist was preparing for some operation, hence cldn't attend 2 me immediately. I had 2 wait for almost an hr, till abt 11pm, b4 he came. After diagnosing my condition, it was 2 � operating theatre, like wat i've expected. Tis time round i wasn't really sure tht it wldn't hurt, like � last time, cauz it was a much more serious case. But i plucked up courage & knew i had 2 face it no matter wat, cauz i wanted real badly 2 remove it. I was ashamed of it actually, tryin not 2 let pple knw abt it, but it was too obvious not 2 be seen.

I wanted 2 get it over & done with, but they had 2 make me wait another torturous hr. There's practically nothing i cld do while waiting. Cldn't catch a nap, cauz my mind was revolving ard tht minor operation. It was nearly midnight & finally i was asked into � minor operating theatre. I'm not exaggerating abt tis but it was really like a scene in ER, less � amt of blood, docs & nurses running abt. I had 2 lay on my side, wth bright lights shining at tht part. My heart beat was gettin faster as i saw � doc & nurse preparing for my minor op.

Finally, it was abt 2 begin as � doctor injected � anaesthetic solution ard � area. I cld feel � liquid enterin into my veins, it was so painful tht i clenched my fists each time an injection was made. I thought it was practically numb when � anaesthetic took effect, but apparently, it wasn't numb enough as i cld feel � sharp knife cutting into my skin. It was really torturing as � doc tried 2 cut deeper as well as 2 squeeze some of � stuff out. I was practically tearing as each squeeze & cut was made. I thought i cld bare � pain, but i cldn't & gave in 2 it by giving an "ouch" sound each time sth was done.

Tears started 2 roll down uncontrollably & my mind was thinking, "Why must it happen 2 me? When will i be able 2 get rid of tis fucking problem tht i hve? When will all of tis end? Why didn't i be more hardworking & take care of myself?". � tears tht flowed were tears of pain, tears of suffering, tears of sadness, tears of remorse. � doc was kind enough 2 divert my attention 2 answering his simple questions instd of focusing on � pain, but he didn't do it for long. Seeing me in pain, he decided 2 inject more anaesthetic solutn so as 2 reduce � pain. But apparently, each injection inflicted pain as well.

As more stuff was out, � pain reduced gradually. Before i knew it, it was all over. I heaved a sign of relief after tht but i didn't feel good abt it honestly speaking. Bcauz of tis, � doc gave � longest MC tht i've ever had, to my surprise. Initially, it was only a 3 day MC, but being afraid tht it may get infected, he decided 2 extend it. I was pretty stunned by his generosity.

For tis, i blamed myself for it, for not taking good care of myself. Instd, i had 2 make my Aunt worry as well as 2 stay wth me throughout � entire night, even though she had work � nxt day. Her actions tht night really touched me & made me realise how precious i was 2 her. She treats me like her own son. I felt really guilty cauz i hvn't really treated her tht well as i ought 2. A simple example wld b � little quarrel tht i had wth her after tis whole thing, all bcauz of my impatience & me being paranoid. I felt really bad cauz afterall she was like a 2nd mother of mine, taking care of me, pampering me wth things tht i wanted etc & i still flare up at her jus bcauz she was showing concern 4 me. What a ungrateful nephew i am, i really ought 2 be ashamed of myself.

On � othr hand, bcauz of her concern for me tht night, it made me wonder whether she was my real mum. She was more worried than my own mother tht night, which i was a little disappointed wth. I cld see � contrast btwn my aunt & my mum, & it really makes me ponder whether my mum even cares abt me. My mum's actions tht night seemed 2 tell me tht:"Well it's only a small matter. No big deal. Why make a big fuss out of it?" I knw i shldn't be saying things like tht, doubting abt my mum, but can't help feeling tis way tht night. I thought she wld skip her dinner & accompany me 2 � hospital. But she didn't. I thought she wld wait up for me, waiting for my return. But she didn't.

Mayb she was jus tired tht day, i thought 2 myself. Mayb it was really nothing. Mayb i wasn't her son, since i'm so different from � rest of my family. Mayb i was really my aunt's son cauz � conditions tht i suffer frm seem 2 be similar 2 tht of my aunt. Jus mayb...

Bro
Yeah, it's abt him. Sometimes i hafta admit tht i really do hate him 2 � core for � things tht he does. He's really very different frm me, an exact opposite of me. I hate him most when he deprives me of � computer, whenever he brings his pals over for Mahjong sessions. Due 2 tis, i hafta turn in early for a simple fact tht i hve nothing 2 do at home. No shows on TV tht cld entertain me, no other computer tht i cld use 2 go online. 2 add on, it's one of those nights where you don't wanna turn in early but you hafta, cauz you hve no choice. I hate him too when he smokes in his room. His room wld be stinking of cigarettes, everytime he does it. � worst thing is, he switches on � air-con after tht, trapping tht stinking smell in � room.

Sometimes i really wish � computer was put in � living room or some place other than his room. Sometimes i really wish i cld hve a room & a computer of my own. Sometimes i really wish i cld stay on my own, wth nobody 2 disturb me. Sometimes i really wish i was � only child, wth no siblings at all.

H/e, i don't hate him all � time. There are times where i can't bring myself 2 hate him. I guess it's � brotherly ties or influences frm other pals of mine, whom seem 2 be so close 2 their siblings. Bcauz of tht, i tend 2 not dwell too much into my hatred for him. Instd, i try 2 dismiss my hatred for him by saying tht he doesn't brings his friends over very often or tht actually i hve nothing 2 do online as well. Sometimes, i'll jus forget abt � whole thing � nxt day, after chatting wth him abt other stuff. I really do enjoy his company at times, even if he's at home watching TV while i'm using � computer & we aren't really talking 2 each other. I guess i'm afraid of being lonely. Besides, he's one of those tht share � same sentiments when it comes 2 my grandma's, mum's & aunt's nagging. He's like � only 1 at home who is similar 2 me in some ways or another, as well as some1 whom i can really chat wth w/o feeling irritated, if you get wat i mean. H/e, i don't really confide in him, i jus chat wth him abt � normal stuff, like music, movies etc.

I still remember those times when i was young, i used 2 stick 2 him alot cauz he was � only 1 who can bring me out on weekdays. As long as it was out of � house, i wld be glad, cauz sometimes staying at home is really boring. There was once when i attempted 2 runaway, when he wasn't willing 2 bring me out. But in � end i failed, & returned home obediently, haha. Tht was something i will never forget. I really wish i cld be like some of my pals, whom are pretty close 2 their siblings. But it's gonna be awkward if i try 2 change things now, so i guess i'll jus let it stay � way it is. � only thing tht i hafta change i guess, is nvr 2 hate my Bro, cauz he's afterall my only relative besides my dad & mum.

Disgusted
I am absolutely disgusted with myself right now. I feel like this horrible poisonous alien/demon, tht has a contagious disease. I never seem 2 be able 2 recover frm tis disease, which is at it's terminal stage, i presume. I really dunno how 2 face tis world right now, jus feel like hiding myself in a corner. Don't even feel like going anywhere, even 2 camp, at tis state i'm in. Frm � looks of it, it sounds like i'm superficial but i really can't tolerate people who are gonna notice it sooner or later. I hve a gut feeling tht they'll feel disgusted wth me as well.

I really hate myself for being like tht. Why can't i jus be a normal person? Why must i carry tis disease wth me all � time? Is there really no cure for it? How long must i suffer frm humiliation? I detest myself so much right now, tht i can almost kill myself. Why must it be me???

Because of tis, i feel so inferior right now, tht my confidence lvl is practically zero. I envy all my frens so much frm not having tis disease of mine. Whenever i go out wth them, i jus feel so sad, so embarrassed, so yucky, so shitified etc. I really feel like hiding, so as not 2 make a fool out of myself. It's very demoralising, so much so tht i might nvr wanna go out wth my pals again. I feel so shitified right now.

Satisfied

Don't think i can continue 2 watch American Idol, wth my favourite singer, Latoya, out of � competition. Was in total shock & sadness when i saw it on TV last night. Cldn't believe my ears when i heard tht Donald & Latoya were in � bottom 2, while Jasmine was safe. Really hate Jasmine 2 � core now becauz of tis, doubt she'll be in � final 2. But you'll nvr knw, since tis season seems 2 be one full of surprises. Am betting tht � 2 animals will fight each othr out in � finals. So will it be � pig tht triumphs � duck or otherwise? We'll soon find out...

Miss Piggy
Think tht she'll be � dark horse in tis competition. She really did very well tonight. It's definitely her genre of songs. Latoya & Donald Duck/Macy Gray didn't seem 2 be very impressive as compared 2 Miss Piggy. Celest Chong was even worst, her performance was really lacklustre. I guess it's bye bye 2 Celest, unless something shocking happen, like one of � previous episodes, where Donald, Latoya & Jennifer Hudson were in � bottom 3.

� new Blogger interface rocks, it's not only much nicer, but i feel tht it has become more stable as compared 2 last time. Am glad tht i stuck with Blogger. Persistence does pays off.

Empty
� workshop seems empty lately, with fewer & fewer people as days go by. I guess it's becauz of � changes tht are taking into effect as well as a batch of technicians tht are ORD-ing in June, resulting in a reduction of people. � workshop, i feel, has lost it's color & it's not as lively as before, which makes it a boring workplace. I hve a feeling tht it's gonna be like tht in � future, where almost everybody is not at � workshop. Life is really gonna get monotonous if � workshop is going 2 be like tht.

Work aside, i feel tht i tend 2 agitate people wth � things i say or do. It's like when i say/do something, i don't realise tht it's very hurting or sarcastic, but 2 � other party, he/she does think so. Although it's unintentional, i'd still feel bad abt it. Which makes me think tht actually, i don't deserve � great frens tht are around me. Sometimes, when such things happen, i jus feel tht i've let them down & � lousy feeling starts 2 kick in. It's like, "How � hell can a fren say/do tht type of things 2 ya?", kind of feeling. Mayb becauz of my inferior feelings tht result in this or it cld be becauz frens are tired of always persuading me 2 not say such pessimistic stuff. If it's really so, i'm sorry abt it, didn't mean 2 put you peeps in such a spot.

Realise tht in my clique of close pals, we don't usually talk abt our probs 2 each other as compared 2 my other cliques of pals. I dunno why i think abt it suddenly, but it's a question tht kinda pop up out of nowhere. I always thought tht close pals are able 2 share their probs tht they are facing & mayb through this, it allows a better understanding of each other. Apparently, it isn't � case for me. Nobody really confides in me, which got me thinking whether it's becauz they don't trust me or it's becauz they rather keep it private. It's pretty confusing since it mayb becauz they don't hve tht many probs as compared 2 me, mayb they feel tht they are able 2 handle it themselves or mayb they feel tht they shldn't burden their frens 2 listening 2 their probs etc. I know tht i've thought too much abt it & tht there isn't a rule which states tht close pals hafta share all their probs wth each other. But still, there's this sense of insecurity lingering on. I really dunno how 2 put this thought/feeling into words, but it's like they don't trust me or they feel tht i'm not a person whom they will seek advice when it comes 2 probs. Something 2 tht extent.

Sounds confused? Well i think so to, since at this moment, i don't quite know wat i wanna put across. I was jus pondering over this & wanted 2 put it down into words, but apparently it's not tht easy. I guess feelings & thoughts aren't tht easy 2 be translated into black & white.

Expenses on � rise!
Darn, think i've been spending quite alot of money last month. It's time for me 2 save up. Though i don't really buy anything, in terms of clothes, games or CDs etc, my expenses are mostly on food & entertainment. Besides, wth � no. of birthdays last month, spent quite alot on prezzies. Not 2 mention � Faye Wong Concert Tickets tht i bought w/o even thinking abt � price of it. Hopefully, it's worth � price, can't wait, so exciting!!!

Been running abt for � past 2 days & today was my day 2 rest & chill at home. Last time i do yearn 2 go out like everyday if possible, but come 2 think abt it, i rather stay at home at times. It's tiring to head out everyday & expenses will rise if i were 2 eat out. Seems like i've grown up, thinking abt � costs & stuff. But i guess it's all part & parcel of it. Sometimes i jus wish tht i'll nvr grow up, in tht case, i will hve less worries. All i wld do is jus 2 play my time away, wth my innocent thoughts & childish behaviours, wth an adult to take care of you. It's � naiveness in adults tht's lost, which makes us wanna be a child all � time. Well mayb when i'm dead, i'll reborn & be able 2 lead a kid's live all over again, like wat Chinese peeps believe in, "Tou2 Tai1 Zhuan3 Shi4". But will tht really be � case?

I so need 2 get a driving license. It's like everyone ard me is getting their licenses & i jus feel so left out. I hve a few friends who got their licenses recently & i was like so envious of them, being able 2 get them on � 1st try. Gals esp seem 2 be able 2 get their licenses on their 1st try, wonder why....(No implied meaning here, jus curious tht's all.) Looking at friends ard you being able 2 drive a car, it's like so "wow". It wld even be "wow" tht you hve a car 2 drive after getting � license, at least 2 me, though ? cost of maintaining ? car & expenses on petrol is quite a turn-off. Well at my age, i don't think i need 2 own a car, jus need 2 get � license when i'm like so free now, esp since i'm a stay out personnel. I know, i know, i'm jus a lazy pig but all these people ard me getting their licenses are really making me motivated 2 go get my license. But � thought of not being able 2 get it on � 1st try jus hinders me, haizzz.....

Hve you ever felt like you are jus playing a supporting role in your clique of pals? Well tht's wat i'm feeling now actually. I was nvr � main character in my entire life, i'm jus � supporting actor who helps � lead 2 shine & stand out amongst � crowd. Or mayb i'm less of a supporting actor, more of an extra on � set, � ones whom directors don't usually emphasize on. � ones who are not really important in a film, � ones whom doesn't hve any lines 2 say. I feel like someone who's needed only when others can't seem 2 find anyone. For eg. when going out, i'm only called when � rest are not free 2 go out wth. Or when i happen 2 meet some pals, they wld naturally ask abt � main character in � clique.

Besides my clique of pals, i do experience tht at work too. I jus feel so extra at times tht you don't even need me there at all. My presence there doesn't seem 2 be a point of concern. Well i tried 2 be useful there, but it seems like there are others tht are more useful, resourceful & capable than me. I guess there's always someone better than you, tht is something i can't deny. Mayb i'm really tht lousy, jus tht i don't realise it. Mayb it's time for me 2 wake up. Like wat i said, i was nvr � main character, i'm jus an extra. I guess my presence on Earth is jus for others 2 use me. Once they are done wth it, they jus leave me & when � need arises, they'll come 2 look for me again.

I hate this feeling, � feeling of being used....