.Disturbing.
I jus can't believe how i landed myself in tis state. I thought it was jus pathetic of me to be doing that. I used to disagree with such acts, but yet i'm doing it myself. I shld be ashamed of myself. I suppose tis is wat the changes in workshop have resulted. I better not get too used to such a life. It really is pathetic, i must emphasize.

.Finally.
I've got my license!

.Meaningless.
I no longer have é motivation to go to camp anymore.
I no longer find any meaning in é things i do.
I no longer try to learn how to repair weapons.
I no longer work as hard as i used to.
I no longer put in a 100% effort in é things i do.
I no longer smile as much as i used to.
I no longer belong to any cliques.
I no longer talk as much.

.Unknown.
I've seen é doc, but it ain't really helpful. Root to é problem wasn't found, had to be referred to a specialist. Sounds serious, ain't it? Well, i guess to a certain extent. There's a possibility of it being serious, which i really hope not. I've been thru quite some health related problems & i really don't wanna go thru another one. I mean i'm exercising, watching wat i eat at times, but still problems arise.

Life is jus so unfair, isn't it so? I mean my Bro is like eating junk food everyday, slping less than enough, drinking soft drinks etc, but there's practically nothing wrong wth him. I'm not jealous & definitely ain't wishing anything wld happen to him (i'm not tht mean irregardless of how much i dislike him becauz of certain things he had done), jus feel weird, since all é bad genes are definitely passed to me. Sometimes i jus question whether i'm really part of é family, or jus adopted or jus picked up from somewhere. Nevertheless, life is still unfair, but i ain't gonna go on non-stop & complain abt it, cauz it is like that. I jus practically surrender to it.

H/e, there's a funny thing: I'm not as worried as i shld be, with regards to my newest health problem. I suppose it's becauz of wat i wish for during é times when i was really down. Maybe it's really coming true...

.Worried.
I really hope that tmr, when i see é doc, he will say that it's not that serious. I'm very worried, i'm jus crossing my fingers, hoping that everything's gonna be fine. H/e, i have my own doubts since é doc wanted to see me. I'm a little afraid. Sign...seems like nothing is going on smoothly for me, in tis new year.

.Walking Alone.
I walk alone, i walk alone
My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I'll walk alone