.MaMBo.
Sway to é music, get your ass down, move your body. That's wat i love to do on é dancefloor. Mambo Night, a night where i was told é music was good. A night where i really wanna give it a try since quite some time ago. And i hafta agree, é music was damn good i tell ya, god damn good. It was é best out of é clubbing sessions that i had been too. é only problem: it was too crowded, so much so that your space to dance is quite limited. There were people, whom i personally name them nomads, who kept moving around for dunno wat reasons. Mayb cauz we were at é edge of é dancefloor, that's why people were moving around. Really wanted to go somewhere towards é centre, but it was too packed to do so.

Nevertheless, i still manage to dance my way round, which was damn fun. But it could hve been more fun if my other frens were here at é dancefloor too. I know it's very bad for me to say this, but i personally feel that when you club, you need to hve gals in your clique, especially on é dancefloor. I have my reasons for saying that. (Don't think dirty!)

Drank quite abit yesterday, till i got a little tipsy. It wasn't much, i felt, but jus enough to make me go into la-la-land after my shower. Nevertheless, it was still é most i've drank so far. Lambourgini was nice, Apple Shooter too. All in all, it was a great night. Can't wait for my next session, though i know it's quite unhealthy. I guess it's é dancing that attracts me to clubbing, seriously. I jus love to dance.

.Crush.
Having a crush on somebody is definitely an exciting feeling, & for most people, it lasts for only a short period of time. But for me, i guess it lasted longer than expected. Like wat my friends tell me, it's no longer a crush, but an infatuation. Is it really é case? I really have no idea. But i think i'm quite a devoted person, to have a crush on somebody for that long, to be exact, around 2 years. Normally people will move on, but for me, i always prayed that i wld meet her someday.

é last time i saw her was during Prom, where i plucked up courage to take a picture wth her, even though i knew she had a boyfriend. I wasn't really saddened by it, since her boyfriend was really quite good in terms of character & appearance (he was somebody i knew of). I was nowhere in comparison. Nevertheless, taking a photo with her was a form of memory for me.

Ever since then, i was hoping that i could meet her on é streets, jus to have a glance at her. Jus a glance could make me a happy man. Really true. After such a long period of time, i thought if i saw her again, nothing wld happen. Just a "Hi-Bye" & that's it, nothing else, no feelings, no emotions. But i was wrong.

Until recently, i was é happiest man on earth, i was on all smiles, grinning from ear to ear, until my mouth was like totally numb. That's because my chance came along unexpectedly. Along é streets i was walking & i saw a familiar figure. I thought it was jus somebody who managed to catch my eye, someone who looked like her. After a few glances, i was stunned, cauz it was indeed her. My heart was racing & my mind went blank. Totally.

I thought my friends knew who she was & wld definitely made fun of me, but they didn't quite remember, hence i jus kept quiet. While they were busy looking at é items on display, i couldn't help but steal a few more glances at her. Till she manage to look at my direction, i jus waved at her & bid goodbye since we were abt to leave. She gave me a smile that i could still remember till now, a very sweet & pleasant one, é same one as when i saw her in junior college. é funny thing was, my heart actually pumped faster at that moment, which meant that é crush has lasted till now. It was racing, a feeling which i've never felt in a long time & it was é same person that made it raced. Amazing.

é whole day i felt i was on cloud 9, smiling everytime i thought abt é incident. Even when my friends made fun of me, i jus smiled & relented, no arguing back. I really wanted to go back to have a little chat with her, to find out where she's studying & how she's doing etc. Which i did, yesterday. When i walked passed é stall & thought i didn't see her, i was a little disappointed. I was still glad though, that i manage to see her on é streets after such a long time, it was enough to make me feel delighted, happy, excited & wat have you. Fortunately, my friend saw her & told me that it was her, which made me extremely happy.

We made a trip back, & i really wanted to strike up a conversation wth her, but she was busy then. Instd, we left & shopped around. My mind was telling me to grab é opportunity all é time, otherwise i wld regret. But i was afraid & shy at é same time. However, i really really wanted to give it a try, which i felt quite weird since i really have no idea where i got é guts from. I mean for my type of character, i don't think i wld do such a thing, but apparently, my instincts told me otherwise. We made a trip back & after much considerations (a very long wait, i must say), it was either to do it or regret my entire life not tryin. Well, i decided to go with é former, to do it.

I was really nervous while talking to her, but her friendliness manage to calm me down a little. She was very chatty, which i didn't quite expect, since i thought i might be a total stranger to her. It was afterall quite a long time since é last meeting. I manage to dig a little more information & towards é end, i threw all my guts out to ask for something which i felt was important. When i asked é question, her response wasn't too good since she was quite reluctant, though she was still smiling & laughing. I was too, trying my best not to show my disappointment, to assure her that it was prefectly fine if she didn't want to, that i meant no harmful intentions & that i jus purely wanted to be friends.

Through my perserverence, it paid off. I was really surprised since her lips were like moving towards saying "Sorry, no...". I was totally prepared for disappointment. I mean it's totally understandable if a girl refuses to. But one thing was for sure, i didn't regretted striking up a conversation wth her. I wld have regretted my entire life if i didn't. Hence, irregardless of wat her response was, i was kind of prepared for é worst. Well, i was actually really happy to be able to see her on é streets, seriously speaking. I know it sounds a little absurd, but it's really true. That is how i feel man. Seeing her from afar was already something big, but striking up a conversation & you-know-wat, it was totally unexpected & far-fetched, which i managed to do.

I don't know wat to expect, but i guess nature will lead it's way. I don't wanna rush into things nor frighten her. I'm prepared for é worst, seriously. I mean what can a nobody expect out of someone? Nothing. Well, i'm jus glad that i tried for now, nothing else matters, even wat comes out of it. Really.

.Fortunate.
Thanks for all the presents & birthday wishes, really appreciate it deep from my heart. Though it's not many, but i'm glad that i hve that number of great friends around me & it's really é thought tht counts. Though there were disappointments, in wat areas i shall not mention, i'm not that unforgiving, but it kinda shows how much i mean to everyone of you. There were surprises as well, which to many i guess it's nothing, but to me it's touching & unexpected.

It was a bitter-sweet week i must say. Sweet being my birthday & all. Bitter because i wasn't in é best of mood again. It's sad & tiring to always feel that way, but i'm numb to that feeling. I don't blame anybody but myself for wat has happened. It never has been anybody's fault but myself. I have myself to blame yet again. But i'm sticking to my stand tis time round. It may result in severe consequences, but it's inevitable. I somehow think that it's only a matter of time, before such consequences will appear.

Maybe i'm too naive to believe in happy endings. With my type of character, it'd always be bitter. Being too emotional has made me more insensitive. It's contradicting i know, but it's true. I don't like é feeling at all, but like wat i've said, i'm numb. Like wat Joseph said, sometimes such things really make you lose faith in relationships, in tis case friendships. I think it's true. I feel that i'm willing to sacrifice alot of things for my friends, which makes me fragile & brittle. I don't expect much in return but jus little actions or little sacrifices. If you can't do it, i guess i know why & i'll make the necessary changes. It's a very mean thing to do, yes i know, but i can't always be the one putting in. It takes equal amounts i feel. I know i'm being a little calculative here, but sometimes it's that obvious so much so that i can't afford not to be. Enough for tis entry, i'm beginning to blabber.

Nevertheless, i still feel fortunate. I know i tend to complain a little too much, but i really do feel fortunate. Fortunate to have my family with me, esp my Mum & Aunt who never fails to care for me & my Bro who never ever gets irritated by me no matter how selfish i am to him. Fortunate to be able to have almost everything that i had wanted, to have my needs provided for, to have great friends around & many other things. I can't promise that i won't complain in é future, but i'll hafta learn how to treasure them, before i start to lose any of them.

To be continued......