.Messy.
Things at work doesn't seem to be going too well. Though i'm not directly involved in it, i feel for those that are affected by � current situation. Being me, i can't help but feel upset that things hafta be like that. Why must it be like that? Why are there so many changes? Why can't things remain � same?

Don't get me wrong, i don't detest changes, but if it's changing for the worst, what for? Mayb i'm too short-sighted to see how these changes are gonna be beneficial, but i definitely think that it's not rewarding in � short run. I mean look at what's happening. People are getting pissed off with each other, there's a hell lot of mess to be cleared up, people aren't wanting to stay in tis company any longer etc. Do you think it's beneficial at all?

Mayb i'm jus too emotional but i really get upset when i see close colleagues of mine getting frustrated, stressed, pissed, feeling lost, discouraged, feeling hopeless & wat have you. I really do feel for them since i don't think they deserve such treatments at all. I know life's unfair, but can't there be exceptional cases?

You peeps must be thinking why do i care so much, since it's only � army. But you hafta realise that you really do get to meet great people in army too as well. They are part & parcel of your life & may play a significant role. Besides these friends that are worth cherishing, i feel that as long as i'm given a certain task to do, i feel obliged to put effort in completing it. Tis is wat i call being responsible, taking pride in � things i do & doing it to � best of my ability. (There are exceptional cases too.)

That's why i always can't seem to understand why wld people wanna look for an easier way out or to find chances to not do anything at all & hope that time will pass them by quickly. I believe that there are things in life which you hafta workd hard for & it's really worth it. You may not get rewards, praises, benefits, acknowledgement etc, but it's � process that really counts. It's through � process that you learn stuff & gain experience.

Really hope that things will turn out for the better...

.Pathetic.
I feel so pathetic. Or rather, i AM pathetic. In addition to that, i feel unpretty, i feel lonely, i feel unwanted. Why do i feel like that? Why am i so pathetic?

.HaPp� BuRfdAe.


my GreAt Pals


� Birthday Boy & me


Look up here!

To Gavin, of course. Yeah, hope you liked � presents we bought for you & that you enjoyed yourself, though we didn't do much. Thanks for � dinner too, hehe. (Decided to say this on my blog, as a form of sincerity to make up for my "bo-sim"-ness.)

Finally got to meet up with my clique of pals again, though Zongfu wasn't present due to his overseas attachment to Brunei. Hopefully, when he comes back, we'll hve another gathering soon. Hvn't seen him for eons, really do miss him. Nevertheless, it was a simple mini-celebration that we had, like what close friends normally do. Dinner followed by 2046, which was absolutely boring. Maybe it's an artsy film, that's why i don't knw how to appreciate it. Many scenes were repeated, so much so that it gets too lengthy. It was so boring, that i fell asleep towards � end of � show. So did my pals, haha. If i had to choose btwn House Of Flying Daggers & tis, i think i'll choose � former. But that doesn't mean � former show is nice, i still think it sux.

� photos aren't as clear, cauz it's not it's original size. Will upload them on another website instd. Is there anyone out there who knows how to upload pics on Friendster, in such a way that it appears in it's original form? I got really frustrated trying to upload some pics cauz it always turns out smaller & blur. Why did Friendster hafta restrict our size of � photos? If they hadn't, everything wld be a breeze. Damn Friendster.

.Driving.
Been too tired to update recently. It's been quite a hectic week & i'm quite glad that it's nearing � weekends. If only all my weeks can be that hectic, time will really fly & i'll hve less time to think abt stuff. Anyway my 1st driving lesson was really exhilarating, but scary as well. Exhilarating cauz it's a 1st time & you can actually make a car move. Scary cauz � instructor allowed me to go on � minor roads where there are more cars, even before i could really grasp on � basic techniques. I was really shocked when he asked me to drive on � minor roads, didn't really expect things to be going that fast.

Think driving is really fun, but it can be quite dangerous as well. It's like � passengers' lives are in your hands. No wonder good habits must be cultivated 1st. Can't wait for my next lesson, hopefully i will be more calm by then.

.Addiction.
I am seriously addicted to sun tanning. I jus lurve to tan under � bright sunlight. Jus manage to do it tis afternoon during my battalion cohesion day at � Big Splash. Not tanned enough though, i need more of it. Wanna head to Sentosa to have a full day of tanning, if possible.

I'm also addicted to pastas, which I jus can't seem to have enough of. I swear i can eat them almost everyday, jus almost. My favourite would be cream-based pastas, those not too cheesy or overly creamy ones. Though too much of it can really make me wanna puke, i jus lurve � taste of it.

Tomorrow wld be a tiring day. Quite excited abt tmr though, since it marks my first driving lesson. Jus hope it wld be fun.

.Ego.
I realise that all guys hve ego, some may hve a little too much of it, that it actually irks others. Being ego-istic can be good, since it helps to build a little self-confidence in yourself, but having too much of it can actually pollute your mind & put yourself above everyone else, as well as thinking highly of oneself & making one proud in some ways or another. I do admit that i hve a little ego, but definitely not too much since i'm a person w/o much self confidence. Mayb that's why i tend to get a little irritated when people become ego-istic.

There are times when a person's ego can grow continuously, until someone is needed to poke it in order to tone it down before it gets outta hand. Is there really a need to show how good you are? What is there to prove? So what if you are good? There's no need to show how good you are cauz if you are really that great, people will know it & will respect it. But if you try to flaunt it, people won't respect that, instead they think you are too haughty. So, it's better to know your limits before you start to irk other people off.

I realise that when it comes to work, don't expect other people to appreciate wat you hve done, be it for them or for � team. You may think that wat you hve done is alot, but to others it may mean nothing at all. Recently, i felt that i'm not as enthusiastic abt my work as compared to last time. Mayb it's becauz I don't feel appreciated by some of my colleagues whom i'm working with. Or mayb they tend to outshine me, so much so that my work seems menial. Sometimes it's � mistakes i made that pull me down & makes me feel useless. I know that you should learn from your mistakes instd of brooding abt it, but when too many mistakes are committed, you tend to lose enthusiasm in your work & feel demoralized. I don't dare to say i put my best in � things i do for now, but i will still put in effort in doing watever i'm doing. It's definitely not � right working attitude, but i jus don't feel enthusiastic enough to put in that much effort as before. I'm a sucker.

I'm taking way too much time to type my entries nowadays. It's like wat i'm thinking & wat i'm typing is totally different. I jus can't seem to put my thoughts into appropriate phrases. This deprives me of blogging my thoughts & feelings down. I'm really in � mood for blogging, but i dunno where to start from, seriously.

.Bloated.
After a weekend of feasting, my stomach needs some time for digestion. 1st it was high tea session at Equinox. � food wasn't too bad, but not tht great as i'd thought. Nevertheless, � breath taking view from � 70th floor of � Swissotel, more than made up for it. It was a spectacular view i must say, � tall buildings from � CBD area, � Marina area, � blue skies with clouds tht seems so near yet so far, � sea with ships passing & so on...

2nd was at � Australian Outback. I won't really recommend tis restaurant, since � food there isn't tht fantastic, in addition to � poor service. There are definitely other restaurants tht serve better steaks.

Though it's only 2 restaurants tht i had dined in, it's afterall good food, something my family wld like to indulge in once in a while. I guess it's a hobby of Singaporeans in general, to search for places with good food. Afterall, Singapore ain't called a food paradise for nothing.

I miss my group of good pals a lot, i seriously do. It's been eons since i've met them up & i'm wondering why. Last time, we use to meet up every now & then, but now everything seems to be changing. We meet up once every 2 months now instd, or sometimes even lesser. I wonder whether it's becauz they have found new groups of pals to hang out with & are leading their own separate lives or tht they find our group getting boring. Nobody seems to be taking � initiative to organise such gatherings, including me. But i do hve my reason for not doing so, though to many people it may not seem to be valid.

There are many contradicting thoughts in my head, which is really difficult for me to write down why. Sometimes i wish i could put � blame entirely on others, but i can't since usually i would think abt my own flaws & shift some blame to myself. I know tht when it comes to such things, there's no point in putting � blame on a certain someone. But for me, i jus don't wish to be in � wrong.

I really dunno why, but when things happen, eventually i will be � one who's in � wrong & who will be saying "sorry" first. I dunno whether it's becauz of my apologetic character or my low self esteem tht results in tis. There are certainly times where i would feel tht i'm right & wld try to stick to my stand, but in � end, after some self reflections, i felt tht i was in � wrong too & gave in eventually. Most probably becauz of tis nature, i don't wish to pen down certain thoughts of mine jus in case � blame will eventually be pushed frm others to myself. In tht case, i wld be contradicting myself & my stand will not persists anymore.

I really dunno whether i'm making any sense here, but pls pardon me for my poor self-expression. I'm trying my best. There's a sentence which cld summarise everything though: "I think too much, so much so tht i tend to contradict myself."

Mayb i don't make a good friend, mayb i'm jus too petty, mayb i'm not tht friendly as i thought myself to be, mayb i'm not deserving enough, mayb i demand too many things, jus mayb.........