.Fortunate.
Thanks for all the presents & birthday wishes, really appreciate it deep from my heart. Though it's not many, but i'm glad that i hve that number of great friends around me & it's really é thought tht counts. Though there were disappointments, in wat areas i shall not mention, i'm not that unforgiving, but it kinda shows how much i mean to everyone of you. There were surprises as well, which to many i guess it's nothing, but to me it's touching & unexpected.

It was a bitter-sweet week i must say. Sweet being my birthday & all. Bitter because i wasn't in é best of mood again. It's sad & tiring to always feel that way, but i'm numb to that feeling. I don't blame anybody but myself for wat has happened. It never has been anybody's fault but myself. I have myself to blame yet again. But i'm sticking to my stand tis time round. It may result in severe consequences, but it's inevitable. I somehow think that it's only a matter of time, before such consequences will appear.

Maybe i'm too naive to believe in happy endings. With my type of character, it'd always be bitter. Being too emotional has made me more insensitive. It's contradicting i know, but it's true. I don't like é feeling at all, but like wat i've said, i'm numb. Like wat Joseph said, sometimes such things really make you lose faith in relationships, in tis case friendships. I think it's true. I feel that i'm willing to sacrifice alot of things for my friends, which makes me fragile & brittle. I don't expect much in return but jus little actions or little sacrifices. If you can't do it, i guess i know why & i'll make the necessary changes. It's a very mean thing to do, yes i know, but i can't always be the one putting in. It takes equal amounts i feel. I know i'm being a little calculative here, but sometimes it's that obvious so much so that i can't afford not to be. Enough for tis entry, i'm beginning to blabber.

Nevertheless, i still feel fortunate. I know i tend to complain a little too much, but i really do feel fortunate. Fortunate to have my family with me, esp my Mum & Aunt who never fails to care for me & my Bro who never ever gets irritated by me no matter how selfish i am to him. Fortunate to be able to have almost everything that i had wanted, to have my needs provided for, to have great friends around & many other things. I can't promise that i won't complain in é future, but i'll hafta learn how to treasure them, before i start to lose any of them.

To be continued......