Recap
Seems like for half � month, i've disappeared. Well i guess i hve, cauz i'm too lazy 2 type, even whn i had � time to. Jus don't feel like typing it out & bcauz of 1 word "laziness", haha. Nevertheless, decided 2 do so now, havin this sudden urge + wanting 2 jot tis down for remembrance sake.

Pain
Excruciating, tht's � word. It all happened when i paid a visit 2 � family doctor. After viewing my condition, he said he cldn't do anything & referred me 2 SGH A&E. In addition 2 tht, he said tht if i don't do anything abt it soon, it may get deformed. I was really worried when he said tht. My Aunt felt worst. I thought it was nothing initially, cauz i had bn thru tis, though tis time it was much bigger & painful. Apparently i was wrong tis time. Headed 2 A&E immediately & had 2 wait, as usual. Nevertheless, it was quite a short wait, i must say, judging frm how quickly i was called upon 2 see � doctor. � doctor gave me 2 options, one: to go back wth Antibiotics in hand & see whether it'll recover after 5 dys, or two: to wait for a specialist 2 diagnose � situation instd. Lookin at how worried my Aunt was & tht i really wanted 2 do sth abt it, we decided 2 go for � 2nd option.

There was a price 2 pay, which was � lengthy waitin time. I was pretty unlucky if i hafta say, cauz � specialist was preparing for some operation, hence cldn't attend 2 me immediately. I had 2 wait for almost an hr, till abt 11pm, b4 he came. After diagnosing my condition, it was 2 � operating theatre, like wat i've expected. Tis time round i wasn't really sure tht it wldn't hurt, like � last time, cauz it was a much more serious case. But i plucked up courage & knew i had 2 face it no matter wat, cauz i wanted real badly 2 remove it. I was ashamed of it actually, tryin not 2 let pple knw abt it, but it was too obvious not 2 be seen.

I wanted 2 get it over & done with, but they had 2 make me wait another torturous hr. There's practically nothing i cld do while waiting. Cldn't catch a nap, cauz my mind was revolving ard tht minor operation. It was nearly midnight & finally i was asked into � minor operating theatre. I'm not exaggerating abt tis but it was really like a scene in ER, less � amt of blood, docs & nurses running abt. I had 2 lay on my side, wth bright lights shining at tht part. My heart beat was gettin faster as i saw � doc & nurse preparing for my minor op.

Finally, it was abt 2 begin as � doctor injected � anaesthetic solution ard � area. I cld feel � liquid enterin into my veins, it was so painful tht i clenched my fists each time an injection was made. I thought it was practically numb when � anaesthetic took effect, but apparently, it wasn't numb enough as i cld feel � sharp knife cutting into my skin. It was really torturing as � doc tried 2 cut deeper as well as 2 squeeze some of � stuff out. I was practically tearing as each squeeze & cut was made. I thought i cld bare � pain, but i cldn't & gave in 2 it by giving an "ouch" sound each time sth was done.

Tears started 2 roll down uncontrollably & my mind was thinking, "Why must it happen 2 me? When will i be able 2 get rid of tis fucking problem tht i hve? When will all of tis end? Why didn't i be more hardworking & take care of myself?". � tears tht flowed were tears of pain, tears of suffering, tears of sadness, tears of remorse. � doc was kind enough 2 divert my attention 2 answering his simple questions instd of focusing on � pain, but he didn't do it for long. Seeing me in pain, he decided 2 inject more anaesthetic solutn so as 2 reduce � pain. But apparently, each injection inflicted pain as well.

As more stuff was out, � pain reduced gradually. Before i knew it, it was all over. I heaved a sign of relief after tht but i didn't feel good abt it honestly speaking. Bcauz of tis, � doc gave � longest MC tht i've ever had, to my surprise. Initially, it was only a 3 day MC, but being afraid tht it may get infected, he decided 2 extend it. I was pretty stunned by his generosity.

For tis, i blamed myself for it, for not taking good care of myself. Instd, i had 2 make my Aunt worry as well as 2 stay wth me throughout � entire night, even though she had work � nxt day. Her actions tht night really touched me & made me realise how precious i was 2 her. She treats me like her own son. I felt really guilty cauz i hvn't really treated her tht well as i ought 2. A simple example wld b � little quarrel tht i had wth her after tis whole thing, all bcauz of my impatience & me being paranoid. I felt really bad cauz afterall she was like a 2nd mother of mine, taking care of me, pampering me wth things tht i wanted etc & i still flare up at her jus bcauz she was showing concern 4 me. What a ungrateful nephew i am, i really ought 2 be ashamed of myself.

On � othr hand, bcauz of her concern for me tht night, it made me wonder whether she was my real mum. She was more worried than my own mother tht night, which i was a little disappointed wth. I cld see � contrast btwn my aunt & my mum, & it really makes me ponder whether my mum even cares abt me. My mum's actions tht night seemed 2 tell me tht:"Well it's only a small matter. No big deal. Why make a big fuss out of it?" I knw i shldn't be saying things like tht, doubting abt my mum, but can't help feeling tis way tht night. I thought she wld skip her dinner & accompany me 2 � hospital. But she didn't. I thought she wld wait up for me, waiting for my return. But she didn't.

Mayb she was jus tired tht day, i thought 2 myself. Mayb it was really nothing. Mayb i wasn't her son, since i'm so different from � rest of my family. Mayb i was really my aunt's son cauz � conditions tht i suffer frm seem 2 be similar 2 tht of my aunt. Jus mayb...

Bro
Yeah, it's abt him. Sometimes i hafta admit tht i really do hate him 2 � core for � things tht he does. He's really very different frm me, an exact opposite of me. I hate him most when he deprives me of � computer, whenever he brings his pals over for Mahjong sessions. Due 2 tis, i hafta turn in early for a simple fact tht i hve nothing 2 do at home. No shows on TV tht cld entertain me, no other computer tht i cld use 2 go online. 2 add on, it's one of those nights where you don't wanna turn in early but you hafta, cauz you hve no choice. I hate him too when he smokes in his room. His room wld be stinking of cigarettes, everytime he does it. � worst thing is, he switches on � air-con after tht, trapping tht stinking smell in � room.

Sometimes i really wish � computer was put in � living room or some place other than his room. Sometimes i really wish i cld hve a room & a computer of my own. Sometimes i really wish i cld stay on my own, wth nobody 2 disturb me. Sometimes i really wish i was � only child, wth no siblings at all.

H/e, i don't hate him all � time. There are times where i can't bring myself 2 hate him. I guess it's � brotherly ties or influences frm other pals of mine, whom seem 2 be so close 2 their siblings. Bcauz of tht, i tend 2 not dwell too much into my hatred for him. Instd, i try 2 dismiss my hatred for him by saying tht he doesn't brings his friends over very often or tht actually i hve nothing 2 do online as well. Sometimes, i'll jus forget abt � whole thing � nxt day, after chatting wth him abt other stuff. I really do enjoy his company at times, even if he's at home watching TV while i'm using � computer & we aren't really talking 2 each other. I guess i'm afraid of being lonely. Besides, he's one of those tht share � same sentiments when it comes 2 my grandma's, mum's & aunt's nagging. He's like � only 1 at home who is similar 2 me in some ways or another, as well as some1 whom i can really chat wth w/o feeling irritated, if you get wat i mean. H/e, i don't really confide in him, i jus chat wth him abt � normal stuff, like music, movies etc.

I still remember those times when i was young, i used 2 stick 2 him alot cauz he was � only 1 who can bring me out on weekdays. As long as it was out of � house, i wld be glad, cauz sometimes staying at home is really boring. There was once when i attempted 2 runaway, when he wasn't willing 2 bring me out. But in � end i failed, & returned home obediently, haha. Tht was something i will never forget. I really wish i cld be like some of my pals, whom are pretty close 2 their siblings. But it's gonna be awkward if i try 2 change things now, so i guess i'll jus let it stay � way it is. � only thing tht i hafta change i guess, is nvr 2 hate my Bro, cauz he's afterall my only relative besides my dad & mum.