Empty
� workshop seems empty lately, with fewer & fewer people as days go by. I guess it's becauz of � changes tht are taking into effect as well as a batch of technicians tht are ORD-ing in June, resulting in a reduction of people. � workshop, i feel, has lost it's color & it's not as lively as before, which makes it a boring workplace. I hve a feeling tht it's gonna be like tht in � future, where almost everybody is not at � workshop. Life is really gonna get monotonous if � workshop is going 2 be like tht.

Work aside, i feel tht i tend 2 agitate people wth � things i say or do. It's like when i say/do something, i don't realise tht it's very hurting or sarcastic, but 2 � other party, he/she does think so. Although it's unintentional, i'd still feel bad abt it. Which makes me think tht actually, i don't deserve � great frens tht are around me. Sometimes, when such things happen, i jus feel tht i've let them down & � lousy feeling starts 2 kick in. It's like, "How � hell can a fren say/do tht type of things 2 ya?", kind of feeling. Mayb becauz of my inferior feelings tht result in this or it cld be becauz frens are tired of always persuading me 2 not say such pessimistic stuff. If it's really so, i'm sorry abt it, didn't mean 2 put you peeps in such a spot.

Realise tht in my clique of close pals, we don't usually talk abt our probs 2 each other as compared 2 my other cliques of pals. I dunno why i think abt it suddenly, but it's a question tht kinda pop up out of nowhere. I always thought tht close pals are able 2 share their probs tht they are facing & mayb through this, it allows a better understanding of each other. Apparently, it isn't � case for me. Nobody really confides in me, which got me thinking whether it's becauz they don't trust me or it's becauz they rather keep it private. It's pretty confusing since it mayb becauz they don't hve tht many probs as compared 2 me, mayb they feel tht they are able 2 handle it themselves or mayb they feel tht they shldn't burden their frens 2 listening 2 their probs etc. I know tht i've thought too much abt it & tht there isn't a rule which states tht close pals hafta share all their probs wth each other. But still, there's this sense of insecurity lingering on. I really dunno how 2 put this thought/feeling into words, but it's like they don't trust me or they feel tht i'm not a person whom they will seek advice when it comes 2 probs. Something 2 tht extent.

Sounds confused? Well i think so to, since at this moment, i don't quite know wat i wanna put across. I was jus pondering over this & wanted 2 put it down into words, but apparently it's not tht easy. I guess feelings & thoughts aren't tht easy 2 be translated into black & white.