Ridiculous
I jus realise tht wat i demand for in a friendship is pretty ridiculous, come 2 think abt it. It's like � slightest thing or action can make me think abt a whole lot of things, -ve things if i hafta say. Recently, � bonds btwn my clique of close pals in camp, seem 2 be unstable & are abt 2 be broken. If there's really one person 2 be blamed, it wld hafta be me. Sometimes my mood swings really do make my friends ard me helpless & tired of me. I guess i've done enough damage & hurt them more than wat they've done 2 me. Actually, i don't think they did anything 2 hurt me. It's jus my sensitive side tht's hurting myself.

I've decided 2 withdraw frm this friendship i'm having wth this once close pal. I feel tht i've given him enough trouble & attitude wth my constant mood swings thrown at him. Don't wanna cause more damage than it has already done. Another reason wld be his new found friend. Jus can't see them together cauz he's totally a different person when they are together. I really wonder why. Can see tht actually there's no way 2 savage this friendship cauz he's not doing anything abt it. I guess he's already given up earlier than me. I understand his position cauz nobody wld wanna be treated at one time coldly, but � nxt time, good pals 2gether. I guess he's tired. I don't blame him, really. Instd, i wanna apologise 2 him. Sorry abt everything, jus hope you lead a happier & joyous life ahead.

This may sound a little gay-ish, but it jus shows how much i treasure my friendships wth my close pals. However, i think i treasure my friendships too much tht i'm actually scaring & agitating my friends. I'm causing more hurt than bringing happiness 2 their lives. Today already proved 2 me tht i'm really trying too hard 2 be someone i'm not or will never be. I've come 2 accept tht i can't hold onto a friendship so dearly cauz it may strangle tht friend instd, it may hve more -ve effects rather than +ve ones.

Being sensitive sometimes is not really a good thing. You think too much & makes your head explode now & then. Sometimes, you feel sad more than you feel happy, esp if you are a pessimistic & a no self-confidence person. You wld think abt alot of things & most of � time it wld be -ve. I ask myself at times, "Why am i so sensitive?", something which i've yet 2 find an answer 2 or will nvr be able 2.

Jus read one of my friend's blog & really dunno wat 2 say abt � stuff he mentioned. I'm definitely not avoiding him & there's really nothing wrong at all. Mayb it's jus these troubled thoughts in my mind tht i hvn't been myself lately. I don't speak at times, cauz i'm thinking abt something. I don't tell you things, it's becauz it's something i wanna keep 2 myself. I don't msg you on ICQ or watever, it's becauz i don't usually do tht as most of my friends knw. I lack initiative if i hafta say. I've been feeling listless lately, so mayb i don't show � care & concern you've been yearning for. But tht doesn't mean tht in my heart, i don't care at all as a friend. Somethings are not shown on � surface, some are jus hidden away frm you tht you don't realise it. I fully understd your point so jus hope you understd mine.