Realm of Deep Thoughts
Hvn't been updating for quite some time. No particular reason for not doing so. Things seems 2 be calming down at home, for the better i hope. Really don't wanna go through all of tht again. Grandma's health is improving gradually but she still can't stop complaining abt everything. She looks skinnier now, due 2 her reluctance in eating many things, including meat. As i've said before, she's like a doctor herself, determining wat she cld eat & wat she cldn't.

As for my Aunt, she's not shouting or screaming as much as last time, jus once in a while. H/e, she's still having her insomnias as usual, not being able 2 sleep peacefully & soundly. Seems like she's worrying abt lotsa things, both at home & work. Mum is still ignoring Grandma in many ways, but she does answer Grandma whenever she asks sth, so it's still alright. She told me this afternoon tht actually there's nothing wrong wth my Grandma's health, it's all in � heart or wat we call "Xin Bing". I guess so too.

My house seems 2 be falling apart, after like ard 7-9 yrs of staying here. Pipes seems 2 be leaking every now & then. Guess it's wear & tear, no doubt abt tht. Wonder whether my parents wanna move out of here anytime soon, 2 a smaller house tht's much more easier 2 manage. Hve no objections 2 moving 2 a smaller place, jus spend more money on designing it. Hopefully it's � central area & not somewhere too extreme, makes travelling more tedious.

Went out on Fri night & realise tht actually i don't think as much as wat i thought myself 2 be. Apparently, there's someone who thinks deeper & complicate stuff so much more than me. But � good thing is, he doesn't worry abt them cauz he believes tht there's always a solution 2 each & every problem. As compared 2 me, i worry & don't really believe in having a solution 2 every problem, being � pessimistic me. Tht night was definitely an eye opener cauz we talked abt things tht i don't usually talk abt. We talked abt how we usually put on a mask whenever we go 2 work, not knowing who's real & who's fake. We talked abt things @ work as usual, abt � changes tht are being made in my company, which i absolutely dread so far. Abt � colleagues @ work. In short, you can say tht we are gossiping. Well tht's right, it's not only gals who gossip ya knw, guys do hve � privilege of doing so too.

We chatted abt meaningful & deeper stuff like how some people believe tht feelings instigate things tht thy do, while others believe tht every single thing tht you do has a reason behind it. I'm more of the "follow wat your heart tells you" kinda guy. Intuition, tht's wat you call it. But � funny thing is, tis type of topic is neverending, cauz one thing leads 2 another or shld i say one thing causes another 2 happen, so it's intertwined or linked together in a circle, with no boundaries or ends. Nevertheles, it makes me think more deep into things, which i don't knw whether it's a good thing or not.

Recently hve been introduced 2 many changes in my company which till now, i hve no idea whether it's for � good or for worst. Some people say eventually it's gonna benefit us while othrs don't. I really dunno why but those born in 1984 seems 2 be � Guinea Pig in everything. It's like changes are always done 2 my batch, irregardless of whether it's in NS, in Sch, in work etc. "Am i able 2 adapt 2 it jus as yet", i question myself. � answer:" Not really.". It's too vast, too quick for me 2 adapt, too many at one go. Why, why do these changes hafta occur? Jus hope tht Oct 2005 comes quickly, so tht i can get over wth it & fuck off. But it seems so far away.

Been feeling outta place recently, be it wth my good pals frm camp or my good pals since sec sch. I feel tht me being out of � grp is � best case scenario. Or mayb disappearing frm � surface of earth, wld help 2 lessen � burden i bring upon others. Am i too demanding or am i jus not good enough for my friends & family? I really hve no idea why i'm feeling tis way. I jus feel tht with or without me around, it really doesn't make a difference 2 anybody. In other words, i'm jus a nobody. Someone who doesn't seem 2 grab � attention of others, someone who's always walking behind quietly without anybody noticing at all, someone who doesn't really matter whether he exists in tis world or not. I'm jus a nobody.....