A Complete Failure
Actually i didn't wanna update 2day but since i'm downloading some Faye related stuff, why not jus do so instd of idling away. Well shall start wth my range on Wed. All i can say is tht i'm a bo-bo shooter (a person who's really hopeless at range in othr words), implying tht i didn't pass it. I was really feeling very upset abt � whole situation, esp after my Stage B results. Imagine during � trial it was still ok, but when it comes 2 � test, i jus got too nervous & my rifle began shakin & i miss all my shots. I was so affected by it tht i didn't hve � mood 2 carry on at all. I was jus sitting there frowning, staring at � ground, feeling really down. Hearing people ard me talking abt Marksmanship, needing only a few shots in Stage C to pass it etc, made me feel even worst cauz it makes me feel even more lousy. I knew tht i cldn't make it, but i really cldn't let those around me down, esp Matthew, who's been encouraging me throughout � entire range, so i tried my best during my Stage C test.

Apparently, i wasn't good enough & cldn't make it. By then i was so sad tht i almost felt like crying. To others it mayb a small thing, but to me, i take it seriously. Imagine having your S3 (an officer) comin down 2 give encouragement 2 us on both days, specifically twice on Wed, & yet you failed him. Imagine being � only person out of your unit 2 fail tis range, affecting your unit's overall performance. Imagine letting all your friends down, who believed tht you can do it, but yet you failed to. Imagine having your friend helping you out � best he can, but still you failed him & he says tht it's his fault for not being able 2 help me pass it. Tis really made me feel very bad cauz he's blaming himself for not being 2 help me, where instd i shld be blamed for not putting in my effort 2 try 2 pass tis range.

All my mind cld think of is � shame i brought upon � unit & � disappointment tht i brought 2 my friends as well. Imagine being labelled as "� only person who failed tis range & who is a Armament Technician". It's really not something tht i'm proud 2 be called of you knw? On my way home, i really felt like cryin cauz i cldn't even accomplish sth tht was easy 2 so many others. I blamed myself practically for my failure, for my incompetence. � nxt day at work was even worst, cauz i had 2 face all my fellow camp-mates as well as my seniors. Luckily, Kevin was ard 2 cheer me up wth his excellent criticisms which will nvr fail 2 make you laugh. Cheered up a little in � afternoon & i'm ok for now. I'm still feeling a little remorseful now though, still blaming myself for everything, still feeling lousy abt myself.

On a brighter note, Wee Siong told me tis afternoon tht i won't need 2 attend range anymore cauz of budget constraints. (Supposedly, every NSF has 2 attend 2 Ranges in his 2.5 yrs of svs) Initally i felt quite happy abt it since i won't be down for � nxt range, but come 2 think abt it, cld it be becauz they don't wnt me 2 bring shame 2 � unit again tht's why they allow me 2 skip � other range tht i'm suppose 2 attend? S3 will most prob be joinin us for our Healthy Life Run tmr, really dunno how 2 face him. Imagine him staring at you as if you did something really wrong. HaizZz.....